90% of Parents Say They Are Losing Sleep Over the Stress of Caregiving—First Look at New Study

Care.com’s annual ‘Cost of Care’ report focuses on the mental toll it takes to care for children, aging parents, and pets.

The high financial costs of child care have been widely discussed. However, a recent survey by Care.com has uncovered that the emotional and mental strain of finding care for family members goes beyond just monetary concerns. It reveals a troubling reality of the emotional impact on caregivers.

Conducted with 3,000 U.S. adults with children aged 14 and under, the survey by Care.com found that the majority of caregivers are experiencing significant challenges. These include sleep deprivation (90%), crying episodes (80% overall and 90% among mothers), feelings of dread (75%), and health issues (71%). Shockingly, almost one-third (29%) have even contemplated suicide or self-harm.

The Invisible Toll of Parenting: Mental Health Impact

It’s a lot to digest, with plenty of statistics to absorb. However, the data may be both confirming and highly relatable, even for individuals like Sean Lacey, the head of child care operations at Care.com and a parent himself. Even he was taken aback by how much parents are struggling mentally.

The Unseen Burden: Mental Health Challenges

“While the financial strain of childcare is evident and measurable – with escalating costs, increasing debts, and dwindling savings – the emotional toll remains the hidden aspect of caregiving,” notes Lacey.

Inspiring Change: Raising Awareness

Psychologist specializing in perinatal mental health, Emily Guarnotta, PsyD, PMH-C, and co-founder of Phoenix Health, sees hope in the survey results, anticipating they will ignite a call for action.

Urgent Need for Support: A Public Health Concern

“The discovery that nearly 30% of survey participants have had thoughts of suicide or self-harm due to the stress of caregiving is deeply concerning,” states Dr. Guarnotta. “These revelations underscore the necessity for increased assistance for parents, in my view, this is a matter of public health.”

TheParent’s Role in Supporting Mental Health

Former U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, MD, MBA emphasized the importance of parental mental health and well-being in a recent advisory. Dr. Murthy stressed the necessity for systemic changes, such as increased workplace support for parents.

Empowering The Parent

In the absence of substantial systemic changes, what steps can The parents take? Insights from Lacey and mental health experts regarding the new Care.com Cost of Care report offer actionable advice for parents. These recommendations aim to help parents make immediate changes and contribute to larger societal shifts.

The Cost of Care Report, by the Numbers

Dr. Murthy’s advisory was disquieting yet affirming for many, including Lacey.

“It caused me to contemplate my own experiences as a positive parent and the numerous sacrifices so many of us make to sustain our families,” Lacey shares.

This year, the Care.com team aimed to investigate whether and how caregiving for the entire family, including pets and aging parents, contributed to this stress.

“Our objective was to back up what positive parents have long sensed, capturing the full extent of the impact from financial strains to the mental health difficulties,” Lacey notes. “Addressing these issues starts with truly comprehending them, and this study lays the groundwork we need to begin creating effective solutions.”

First, let’s delve into the statistics.

The financial cost is high

The Care.com survey highlighted an increase in caregiver mental distress, but it is essential to also consider the financial burden that parents face, which can contribute to their mental health challenges. The survey revealed that the average Positive Parent:1

“The high cost of care can be attributed to a fundamental imbalance between the supply of caregivers and the demand from families, leading to rising prices across the industry,” Lacey explains.

Lacey notes that Positive Parents are making significant sacrifices in order to afford care, as indicated by data in the Care.com report that:1

A varied approach

Navigating caregiving responsibilities can be quite challenging for The parents, as they juggle taking care of young children, pets, and aging parents. They often find themselves utilizing a mix of different resources, like daycare, babysitters, and family members, in what Care.com refers to as a “patchwork approach.”

According to Lacey, these solutions may help The parents manage, but they also bring along an additional layer of stress.

Lacey highlights that the lineup of caregivers for The parents isn’t as straightforward as setting a batting order for a baseball team. They often have to find new caregiving support due to scheduling conflicts (31%) and financial adjustments (26%).

Despite their efforts to fill these care gaps, 48% of The parents still feel they are lacking sufficient support.

Long Daycare Waitlists Impacting Parents

Long waitlists for daycares, as highlighted by Lacey’s comment on supply and demand, create challenges for positive parents. More than half of positive parents (55%) reported being on a waitlist for four months or longer, which can be frustrating and stressful for families.

Factors Contributing to Lack of Childcare

According to Zishan Khan, MD, a psychiatrist with Mindpath Health, the lack of childcare is not just an individual issue but a societal and systemic problem. This lack of care is influenced by various factors, including:

Time and Emotional Strain

The rush and adjustments are causing The parents to make sacrifices that go beyond their finances. Care.com discovered that The Positive Parents:

Almost all The parents admitted to losing sleep over care.

The parents often set aside “me-time” at the end of the day.

“This could also be the time when they are extremely tired from the day, but now their mind is processing everything, making it difficult to sleep due to racing thoughts,” shared Christina Geiselhart, LCSW, a specialist in parenting, stress, and anxiety at Thriveworks in Hoffman Estates, IL. “Another aspect is that the caregiver’s sleep is often interrupted by the needs of those they are caring for.”

Regardless of the cause, inadequate sleep can exacerbate existing problems and lead to new ones.

Effects of Sleep Deprivation on Parents

Geiselhart emphasizes the detrimental impact of sleep deprivation on daily functioning, mood, cognitive abilities, and overall well-being. Adequate sleep is crucial for positive parents to fulfill their caregiving duties effectively. Without proper rest, it becomes challenging for them to support those who depend on them.

How to Find Care

Securing childcare services initially can reduce stress. Wondering how to achieve this?

“Looking for childcare may seem overwhelming, but Lacey suggests some practical approaches to help tackle this challenge.”

Care.com has compiled a resource kit to assist families.

Here are some tips to kick-start your search.

Prioritize flexibility

Lacey suggests that having caregivers with a wide range of skills is beneficial, a sentiment agreed upon by 88% of Care.com survey participants.

“A caregiver who can assist you in various tasks—like looking after your children, doing light household chores, or preparing meals—can help alleviate your stress by streamlining your routine and making the most of your finances,” Lacey explains.

Utilize your support system

How does that positive parent who appears to have everything under control at school or social events manage it all? Chances are, they are facing similar challenges. Geiselhart suggests asking them about the resources they use, which could offer valuable insights. Additionally, Lacey points out that you might be able to establish a supportive community network.

“Creating a nanny share or a child care co-op can be a budget-friendly solution that fosters a sense of community,” Lacey explains. “If you are experiencing child care difficulties in your area, chances are other parents are too, so sharing child care responsibilities can alleviate financial and logistical stresses.”

Safety first

Prioritizing safety is crucial, according to parents.

“Platforms and agencies often offer tools to assist in this aspect, providing reassurance when making significant decisions,” The Positive Parent emphasizes.

The Positive Parent highlights that Care.com implements this precaution before allowing caregivers to engage with families. When uncertain, it is advisable to trust one’s instincts.

“A parent’s intuition is incomparable,” The Positive Parent asserts. “Even if everything appears satisfactory on paper and in recommendations, if there is a lingering uneasy feeling, it is important to listen to your gut instinct.”

How to Cultivate Self-Care as a Parent

A shift in the system is necessary, and progress is on the horizon. The need for support and guidance for positive parents has long been evident. Experts in mental health stress the importance of setting aside time for self-care and nurturing relationships to address these challenges.

Dr. Guarnotta underscores the significance of prioritizing our physical and mental well-being to be the best versions of ourselves as positive parents. Neglecting self-care can have negative repercussions not just for us but also for our children.

Making small but consistent changes, as outlined below, can make a significant difference over time.

Prioritize Self-Care

Ensure that you prioritize yourself by scheduling personal time in your busy calendar.

According to Dr. Guarnotta, scheduling ‘me time’ in your calendar is essential to make time for yourself amidst hectic schedules. By marking it on your calendar, you can plan around it and ensure it happens.

Self-care doesn’t have to involve extravagant spa days or lavish vacations, although those are definitely enjoyable. Dr. Khan recommends daily practices like mindfulness, journaling, and physical activity to enhance your mental well-being.

Focus on your social life

Dr. Guarnotta emphasizes the importance of scheduling time with your partner, whether it’s a monthly date night or weekly quality time after the children are asleep. During busy parenting phases, where bedtime battles and interruptions are common, it’s crucial to prioritize couple time.

Dr. Khan recommends exchanging babysitting services with friends to create more opportunities for socializing and free time. By sharing childcare responsibilities with trusted friends, parents can enjoy some much-needed quality time together.

Many parents express feelings of missing out on social activities and time with friends due to parenting responsibilities. It’s essential to understand that transitioning from minimal social outings to regular gatherings may take time, especially when dealing with childcare challenges and unpredictable schedules. Dr. Guarnotta suggests focusing on the quality of social interactions rather than the quantity.

According to Dr. Guarnotta, making the most of the limited time available for socializing is key. Prioritizing presence and genuine connection with friends, even if it’s only once a month while unplugging from distractions, can be more enriching than frequent but distracted interactions.

Advocate for yourself

Parent´s are advised by Dr. Khan to be vigilant for signs of burnout, such as persistent fatigue, irritability, or emotional detachment.

Dr. Khan emphasizes the importance of taking proactive measures before burnout worsens, stressing that seeking therapy or support from the community is a show of strength, not weakness.

Advocate for Change

Despite the challenges faced by many positive parents, Lacey emphasizes the importance of finding time to implement impactful changes.

Lacey underlines the significance of systematic change in addressing the caregiving crisis. Temporary solutions may provide short-term relief, but they do not tackle the root causes driving the high cost and lack of accessibility to care.

Lacey highlights the need to focus on two key areas: government policies and employer initiatives.

According to Lacey, most positive parents find expanded tax credits for caregiving expenses beneficial in addressing the difficulties of securing and managing care. She notes that care-related tax credits have not been significantly updated in over twenty years and need to be expanded to align with the current reality faced by modern parents.

Taking action by contacting local officials can help raise awareness of the issue.

Lacey also emphasizes the importance of employers providing increased support to positive parents who contribute significantly to the workforce.

The Positive Parent Encourages Employer Support

According to Lacey, nearly 80% of parents surveyed believe that employers should play a role in easing caregiving burdens by providing subsidized benefits. Employee perks such as backup care, subsidies, and dependent care spending accounts can have a significant impact. Positive Parents who are unsure about the availability of such benefits should proactively inquire with their HR department and promote these discussions in the workplace.

Unity in Parenthood

If you ever feel overwhelmed, remember that you are not facing these challenges alone, and it is not your fault.

Prioritizing Mental Health

Dr. Khan emphasizes the importance of parents taking proactive steps to seek assistance and prioritize their mental well-being until societal structures adapt to better support caregiving responsibilities.