Mom Requests Positive Parent to Refrain from Correcting Her in Front of Their Kids, Positive Parent Believes Boundaries Shouldn’t Apply

It’s common for partners to have differing opinions on parenting styles and methods of discipline for their children.

A mother posted on Reddit seeking advice regarding an ongoing parenting issue she has been facing with her spouse of 24 years.

The 43-year-old mother explained that she and her 45-year-old partner have two children, aged 11 and 14. She expressed their challenge in reaching a consensus on managing parenting disagreements as they arise.

Reddit Positive Parent’s Parenting Issue

The parent says her husband has a tendency to “correct” her in front of their kids. She has talked to him in private multiple times, asking him to stop.

“It makes me feel undermined, causes the kids to lose respect for me, and creates tension in our family dynamic,” she explains.

If she becomes upset at the kids for talking back or using derogatory language towards her, she says her husband advises her to “calm down” instead of providing support. She emphasizes that her approach towards her children is not “extreme” in any way.

“I’ve requested him to address concerns privately, but he believes that boundaries like this shouldn’t exist in a marriage where there is complete trust,” she continues.

The positive parent expresses that she is advocating for teamwork and respect. However, her husband interprets her request as a boundary that limits his speech.

“He also argues that it’s hypocritical when I say, ‘Don’t correct me in front of the kids,’ in their presence, as he believes it demonstrates the same behavior I’m trying to avoid,” she writes.

What Commenters Think

Some Redditors sought clarification on the meaning of “nothing extreme,” while others expressed concern about the children calling their mom names. However, most Redditors supported this parent, emphasizing the importance of parents being a united front.

One commenter mentioned, “You shouldn’t have to request avoiding discussions in front of the kids, as parents should always show a united front.”

Another commenter added, “Parents should generally present a united front. If there are disagreements on parenting styles, these should be discussed privately and not in the heat of the moment.”

Some commenters suggested that the parent may be inadvertently encouraging negative behavior in the household.

One individual expressed, “This behavior is not trivial; it involves ganging up on you and promoting poor behavior in your children.”

Another comment highlighted, “By allowing your sons to disrespect you, the father is sending a message that such behavior is acceptable, even expected, from men towards their partners.”

Is There a Solution?

Finding a resolution in such a challenging situation can be difficult. According to Bonnie Harris, MSEd, the director of Connective Parenting, caregivers should address any conflicting parenting behaviors in private conversations and refrain from criticizing the other parent.

Seeking professional help from a marriage counselor might be beneficial for this couple struggling with their parenting disagreements, as mentioned in a Reddit post.

The Reddit user highlighted the importance of seeking a neutral third party’s perspective to address the issues within the family dynamic and avoid negatively influencing the children’s behavior.

Therapy as a Recommendation

Our experts suggest therapy in situations where conflict seems severe. Additionally, Harris emphasized that healthy changes in parenting can always be made regardless of the child’s age. Furthermore, children thrive when their parents adopt a more cooperative approach.